Long time no post...

First of all, I would just like to apologize to my readers, if I still actually have any. the last few months have flown by and I suppose that is a good thing with Kevin gone. I'm not going to lie and say that it's all been wonderful because it hasn't. I don't know how I lasted a year last deployment because its only been 6 months and I'm about to lose my mind. I'm thankful that I got away for nearly a month and went back to Illinois. I was ready and anxious to come back to Washington and now I am just waiting for Kevin to come home. I haven't heard from Kevin and nearly 10 days and its driving me absolutely nuts. I find myself just stopping to pray for his safety.I feel like I have a constant knot in my stomach.  All I want to do is just hear his voice. my nights are sleepless because I'm constantly waking up checking my phone. every email that comes through I pray that it's him, everything Facebook notifications everytime my phone rings I just pray that it's something from him and it hasn't been yet. they always say that no news is good news. As long as you aren't getting a phone call saying he's injured or notification officers aren't at your door and everything is fine.. I just wish it was that easy. I know I should place it all on God ..my heart just hurts I just miss my best friend.
In all honesty my distance from the blog has been because I don't want to feel like I'm complaining and I don't want a pity party. its not what I'm looking for but this is my real life and this is what I'm feeling. some say that I'm strong and they don't know how I do it. I do it because I married Kevin. I didn't marry the Army. It just comes with the package. We adjust to make our life the way it is as would any of you if in this situation. You would do it and you could do it. I am nothing special. there are many more men and women out there with far greater trouble than what I have. I have to constantly remind myself of that. all I'm asking of you is that you continue to pray for us. pray for Kevin and that he is returning home safely very soon.

The post I've been dreading to write...

We received news last Tuesday that Kevin's dwell time is being "involuntarily waived" and he will be deploying to Afghanistan in a few weeks for 9 months. 
I went through all stages of change in the first 24 hours.  My eyes were nearly swollen shut last Wednesday.  My plans are to stay here in Washington during this deployment.  I know some don't understand and wonder why I wouldn't want to move home and my answer is: STABILITY. 
Stability is something that isn't always bountiful as a military family but we find stability where we can.  Stability for my my sake means staying put even if I may be more lonely than if I would have gone to Illinois or Minnesota. I'm tired of traveling.  I just want to stay put for a while.  I appreciate so much family coming to visit us.  We do get home when we can and it may not be as often as some would like but we do what we can when we can and what is best for us. 
In all honesty, I'm just tired right now but no means defeated.  I know we WILL get through this.  God has a plan for us.  It's hard to understand what it might be right now, but I find comfort in knowing that He is in control.  So I ask that you keep us in your prayers.  I ask that you keep Kevin in your thoughts and prayers as he is taking it extra hard this time. Pray for his safety and a safe return to us next fall.    I also ask that you pray for me and the girls. This will be an adjustment this time around.  They will notice more this time than last that he is not here.  They will most likely deal with some separation anxiety.  It's going to be a whole new experience for us even though we've been through it before.  Pray for my strength and for me to ask for help when I need it.  Pray for family and friends to be understanding and supportive even if it is from a distance.  Remember it doesn't matter where I am living.  I just want him to be here.  I'll be missing him no matter where I'm at. 
Also, please don't say to be "You signed up for this life"  =  I am very aware of that but it still doesn't make these times easier. 
I will keep you all posted as time goes on and I know that I can lean on you all for support! 
-Kristen 

One month down

WOOOHOOO!! Today marks one month since Kevin left for Iraq.  There have been ups and downs but we are all doing great.  It helps that we get to talk to him almost everyday via MSN messenger, Skype or phone calls.  I think it definitely helps my sanity to be able to talk to him.  I don't know if it will always be like this, but for now, I will take what I can get and be perfectly happy with it.  Everyone says the first two weeks are the hardest. I would have to agree. Adjusting to him not coming home at night, crying every time Lauren would say dadda, crying myself to sleep.  Things are slowly getting easier.  My heart still hurts because I want him here but my head knows there is nothing I could do that would bring him here right now.  I can't remember the last time I sobbed...that's a good thing right?  I still tear up every so often when I see things like families picking out their Christmas tree, or decorating or sledding.  I think this is all perfectly normal to feel this way.  At least that is what Kevin is telling me.  He is my biggest encourager.  I couldn't do this without him, and ironically I wouldn't be in the situation without him.  God sure knew what he was doing when he brought us together.  We are made for each other.  I'm the storm, he's the calm..and it all works out in the end.
So, yes, one month down, and 11 more to go.  I do get to see him mid tour sometime, so it's nice to break up the entire 12 months. 
Please continue to pray for his safety and well being, as well as the other soldiers overseas in all areas of the world.

Update: Levi

I received an email update from Jillian this afternoon, and I wanted to pass the information and update on to those who are following my blog and praying for Levi. 
First, she wanted me to thank you all for your thoughts and prayers.  Levi is doing really well.  He had his IV's removed, is breathing on his own and they are going to be moving him to a crib and out of the incubator today.  They received the test results yesterday.  Another answered prayer.  The results did still show both Mosaic Down Syndrome and Leukemia cells. People with this rare form Down Syndrome have a higher risk of developing Leukemia and other health problems  The doctors are pretty positive that it is a very mild form of leukemia. Only 20% of children with this condition go on to have chemo therapy treatments  The Dr's have told Jillian that the leukemia cells will be eliminated by the down syndrome.  This does not mean that Levi is out of the woods and the doctors will continue to keep a close eye on him. 
The family feels great comfort now that they have an answer to what is wrong with Levi.  Please continue to keep Levi and his family in your prayers.  I will continue to keep you all as updated as I can. 

Prayers for Levi

I writing to all of my friends and family to say a special prayer for a young baby boy named Levi Alexander. 
Levi was born to my very good friend Jillian.  I worked with Jillian at the dental clinic in Bemidji.  We found out around the same time that we were expecting baby #2! 
Levi was born on Thursday September 30.  Shortly after birth, it was noticed that Levi had a rash all over his body.  The doctors ran blood tests, and gave Levi antibiotics for fear of an infection.  He continued to get worse and was having trouble breathing.  He was airlifted to St. Mary's in Duluth where he has undergone several blood and platelet transfusions.  The normal platelet levels are between 250,000- 400,000.  Little Levi's platelet levels were only at 36,000.  They are doing numerous tests while he is in the NICU.  The latest of those was a bone marrow tests.  The doctors have informed Jillian that he could have a form of down syndrome called Mosaic Down Syndrome or possibly even Leukemia.  They will not know the results of these tests until atleast Monday.  I know Thursday and Friday were really bad days for Levi and Jillian.  Saturday was better and Jillian was able to feed him. He ate very well which is a good sign. 
Please pray for strength for Levi to beat whatever is ailing him and please pray for Jillian too.  She had Levi via C-section and was to recover for a few days in the hospital but because of Levi's condition was discharged to be with him in Duluth.  Pray for their comfort no matter what the diagnosis. 
I will try to keep everyone updated as I receive any information from Jillian. 
She knows that I am posting this and is already hopeful and has great faith that God will answer our prayers!

One month to go!

Homestretch!  One month to go and Kevin will be gone for 3 1/2 weeks!  eek!  He is at the Joint Readiness Traning Center (JRTC) in Fort Polk, LA.  He will be there until Sept. 12 possibly.  They have said that they will send him home by Sept. 7th...but if there is anything that I have learned as an Army wife in the last 8 months, it is to not get my hopes up and to not make plans.  I will not make any plans or announcements of him being home until I get the phone call saying "My plane just landed"

I am just praying that this baby will be patient and wait for her daddy to be here before she makes her appearance.  I know if I go into labor on my own early, chances that any family or Kevin making it in for the birth are very slim.  I just don't want to be alone. 

Yesterday was a hard day for me and Lauren.  It was so hard to drop Kevin off at work knowing he would be gone for nearly a  month.  I suppose we are just taking baby steps to our big separation in November when he is deployed to Iraq for a year.  No time apart is easy, even just a few days or weeks. 

Yesterday was the first time that Lauren really has showed true sadness.  It broke my heart.  After Kevin kissed her goodbye and shut the door, she instantly started crying.  It was a very sad cry.  Not a throwing fit cry, or not feeling good cry.  A sad cry.  It was almost like she could sense that something was not right.  She loves her daddy so much! I wish everyone could witness the joy that I see when Kevin walks in the door each night and her face lights up.  It is pure happiness at its best. 

I can't explain the happiness that will be experienced after he gets home after these next few weeks...let alone after his year deployment!! 

Lauren and I took the time yesterday to just get our tears out and relax.  We ate junk food, and watched Curious George and Barney and just cuddled.  We ended up falling asleep on the couch together in the afternoon.  I slept for 2 hours and Lauren for 3!  It was just what the Dr. ordered.  We both woke up feeling great.  I had an amazing evening with Lauren, singing, dancing, laughing, playing etc.  And to top it off, she went to bed without even a fuss.  She couldn't make me more proud.

Here are a few videos from our evening.  Don't you just love her to pieces!?! I know we do!!

Summer, sweat, softball, sweetness, stupid car.

SSSSSSSSSSS....is for Sizzlin' hot! My goodness, the heat in Kansas is insane.  The heat, along with humidity has had temperatures in the 110 range for about a week now.  It is not fun.  I shouldn't complain.  I get to stay inside all day if I do so chose. Kevin, however, is up every morning at 4:45am and out the door by 5:15am to be on post for PT.  It usually is still in the mid 80's that early!  I don't know how they do it.  I sweat walking from my car to the grocery store and back.  It's no fun carrying a 25lb Lauren and then an extra 30lbs in my belly.  Blah~!
Our week started out with Kevin gone Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday.  They have been doing a lot of  live fire trainings to prepare for a possible deployment to Iraq in November.  I say possible, because we have not received official orders yet, and anyone who knows the Army or any branch of the military knows that things change all of the time. Deep in our gut and my sad heart, I know with all of the meetings we have had lately, that it is most likely inevitable. One year..wow.  I know I will not be the first person to go through this.  I hope reading this, makes some of my readers understand maybe a glimpse of the anxiety that I was dealing with in my last post.  2 kids, 1 and a newborn, is a lot of work in itself.  What some of you might not have realized is that  we (me and Lauren), are home alone...a lot.  Every weekday for atleast 12-14 hours day, sometimes longer.  Sometimes, he's gone for days.  I wasn't trying to get a pity party. I am still not trying to. Just wanted you to know my perspective.   I know a lot of woman do well with many young children.  I know a lot of them also have family near by, and spouses that can work from home.  That is not our case.  I think one who would understand the most what I am dealing with is Becky (Kevin's cousin).  I am kind of her copy cat.  :) :) :)  2 kids, in 2 years, military, and she dealt with a deployment shortly after the birth of her son Alex.  She is stationed in Germany too! I don't know how she does it.  I really appreciate all of her support and advice, she has been a great friend to me! 
So stay tuned, for more updates on the deployment and what are plans are for the next year to come.  There might not be an update for a while, we are at the mercy of information from the Army  :) It may be a little while, and that's because we just don't know anything for sure yet.

Wednesday ended with a Dr's appt.  Kevin was gone still, so I had to take Lauren to hourly daycare on post.  My doctor was running about 90 min. behind.  So frustrating.  After being there for an hour, they asked if I would be willing to see one of the male ob/gyn.  I didn't care.  My doctor was leaving at the end of the month, so she wasn't going to be my doctor much longer anyway.  So, I saw this crazy man!  Wow, he was kind of a spaz.  He talked a million words a minute.  I had a hard time keeping up with him, and I am known to talk a persons ear off!  I liked him though.  He agreed with everything my previous doctor had recommended for me and the baby.  My blood pressure is still high.  Not high enough to be pre-eclampsia but high enough since the beginning to be considered pregnancy induced chronic hypertension.  Starting the first week of August, I have to go to the hospital TWICE A WEEK (ugh) to be hooked up to the machine to monitor the baby's heart rate and my contractions.  If things are ok from weeks 34 to 39 then we will just schedule and induction between 39/40 weeks.  The dr's do not want me to go more than 40 weeks.  If there are not good results during one of the NST's or my blood pressure would get worse, then obviously emergency induction would be the case.  Please keep us in your prayers. 

Sweetness....I have been working on Lauren's birthday invites/announcements.  My sister Kara, bought this cute onesie for Lauren a few months back for her to wear for her first birthday.  I decided to run with the theme.  Hobby Lobby had scrapbook paper 50% off, so I constructed my template and began to cut out a whole bunch of polka dot ones.  I am very happy with how they turned out.  Now I just have to find a day, when the temps are not so hot that I can do a photo shoot with Lauren outside. 
I plan on sending a birthday announcement out to all family and some friends.  I wanted to send everyone an updated picture.  With my family in Illinois and Kevin's in Minnesota.  The chance of people actually traveling to Kansas for Lauren's birthday is pretty slim.  However, it's a big event for Kevin and I as much as it is Lauren.  We are so excited for our little girl, and we want everyone to feel included even though we are states away.  She deserves all of the fun, and love and  presents because she won't be daddy's only little girl for much longer!! 

Softball....Wednesday and Thursday night were spent at the softball fields on post.  Luckily the games have been later in the evening so the temps cooled down enough ( in the low 90's HA!) to be bearable.  It's so cute when Lauren recognizes her daddy through the fence. She will point and yell.  I just love it.  Here is a picture of Lauren clapping for her daddy when he made a base hit.  She gets really excited when she hears other people clap and she joins in.  How precious!! She loves her daddy so much!!

Ok we are going to end this post with Stupid car....My old grand am over heated on Kevin on the way to work yesterday.  Bummer!!  We have been dealing with the same issue for years with this dumb car.  Kevin had a guy at work look at it, and he thinks it's the thermometer.  Funny, with the thousands of dollars spent fixing this car in the last few years, that is the only thing that has not been replaced, and it only costs about $11 and we also have one in the trunk of the car.  We bought it last summer when we were having issues.  So please pray that this simple fix is all we need.  We just need this car to last atleast til his deployment.  Then we can let her rest in peace :) Prayers please!!

So today's post was brought to you by the letter "S"  ...  haha!  I have been watching a lot of Sesame Street with Lauren to get her excited for Sesame Street Live next week!  The USO brought the tour to Fort Riley and it is FREE for us! I just love some of the perks of the military!! 

So Sorry about the Super long Summary of our weekly Schedule.  :) :)

nerves shmerves

I woke up to pee and can't get back to sleep!!! It's now been about an hour.  I might as well just stay up now.  Kevin's alarm just went off. I need to get ready and be on the road at 7:15am.  Lauren and I have an appointment to tour the daycare facility on post that she will occasionally be going to.  I have really just been up thinking about how worried I am to take her!  I know they are all licensed and trained professionals, it's just that she has never been left with anyone but family!  I know I must get over this hurdle if I plan on going back to work...just right now it totally sucks! I have to do it though.  The hospital set up a new policy that children under 13 cannot attend appointments (unless the appt. is for the child) ...unless there is another "chaperone" present.  Usually Kevin attends my OB appts. with me but this week he is going to the promotion board and next week, I just have to meet with my Dr. for a blood pressure check, and then the 25th for our ultrasound. 
I'm sure my blood pressure will be high because of my nerves..so so much for the check up! 

Thursday morning.. I am attending a bible study at church with the other military wives of the congregation.  I hate going alone into new situations, but if I want to meet anyone and have friends eventually, then I will just have to suck it up.  They also invited me to a brunch on Saturday.  I think Lauren and I will be going to that while we let Kevin golf for the first time this season.  Oh, there will also be a nursery/childcare at the bible study too..so maybe it will be kind of a dress rehearsal to Thursday afternoon.  At the church I will only be a room away, so that gives me comfort.  The hospital to the CDC (child development center) is 8 min.  Add in the time to get from the office to my car...5 min.  So approx. 15 minutes away! Yes, I am a dork, I figured this out before we left post yesterday. 

Well...I better get my butt up and ready.  Tasty Tuesday to come later.